I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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