Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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