they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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