he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
