there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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