You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
