I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
