Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
