Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
