she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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