Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
