I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
