This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
