just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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