i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
