maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
