Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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