i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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