chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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