he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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