She said her name was "party"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
