Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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