I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
