There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
