i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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