I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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