Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
