well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
