Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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