you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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