I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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