FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
