I can't breathe out the right side of my face
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
