My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
