i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
