Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
