but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
