She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
