Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
