I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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