Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There r osticjed everywhere
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
