It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
