I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
