she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also, beer. Big fan.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
