two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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