I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
