I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
