At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
