I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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