She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
