RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the day after is always just damage control
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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