Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
