cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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