he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
