Welp...herpes.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
