a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
