some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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