Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
