Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
