Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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