you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
